Girlfriend

I am procrastinating and have discovered something. Before this post the word "girlfriend" is mentioned exactly 20 times. 12 in reference to Sara from me, 7 to other people's girlfriends and once meaning me in a guest blog from Sara. So in 257 posts I've written girlfriend 20 times. That's just under once every 13 posts. Sara gets called my girlfriend just over every 21st post. That's not a lot.

Will now do German and then clean guinea pigs. Later is blog time concerning yesterday and packing time for next week (am going to Center Parcs with family, am also bringing Lexy).

Issues

I am slowly getting through all the work although it's not doing my ego any favours. I set myself frankly ridiculous targets and then feel rubbish when I don't meet them.

In other news my mum messed up her hip/back and so we couldn't go to Cribbs because she can't sit down for too long at a time. We went and got waxed which was nice and if her back is better, we'll be going shopping on Sunday. If not, we'll go in January.

I'm off to babysit tonight and I plan to write around 650 words of German. And redraft an English Essay before I go. It might happen. I can dream.

Phonecalls

I call Sara most nights, after she's gone to sleep. I wake her up, and she groggily answers the phone. Last night I called earlier. I reminded her of all the things we'd done and told her a few of the things I'd like to someday. I didn't stop telling her until she was covered in goosebumps and writhing.

Turns out, she'd like to as well.

Exploring New Territory

Sara came round this morning. I opened the front door, pulled her inside and kissed her, pushing her against the wall. It had been too long since I'd seen her on her own.

Throwing her down onto my bed, hands slipping down the whole length of her body. My mouth kissing her soft, pale skin; a smile washes over my face as her skin grows hotter and an ocean of goosebumps appear in front of me. My hand trails up her thigh and skims over her hip. As my fingers touch her stomach, she gasps lightly and her back arches closer to my touch. My thigh fits perfectly between hers. Just being near her makes me dizzy.

My lips kiss hers as I cup her beautiful face in my hands. She brushes my hair away and I look into her eyes. I tease her lips with my tongue, then kiss her once and my mouth brushes her jaw line, her neck and collarbone. My teeth bite her shoulder until she moans a little.

I know what I want. I brush my hand over her chest and her nipple hardens. I push my thigh against her and she gasps. She looks amazing: her mouth almost curled into a snarl, her eyes shut tight. For a second, I wish I knew what was happening inside her. Then I bite her and get lost in the moment, her back arches, her legs squeeze tight around me, fingers curling into fists around my hair, skin growing hotter and hotter, a whine escaping from her throat. I carry on until the moment when she gasps and then lies, panting underneath me. I can feel her heart racing.

I kiss the soft skin by her hip and my mouth brushes her stomach. My lips touch the inside of her thigh. She pulls me up closer, to her face. I still have one leg between hers, my skin touching hers, my heart beating out of time with hers. She kisses me gently, looks into my eyes. She takes my hand, and lets it trail along her thigh. She gasps when I touch her. My fingers drift and slide, every arch and curve makes me gasp a little and her a lot. I kiss her mouth, neck and chest until her whole body tightens and convulses. My lips graze her forehead and she moves closer to me before opening her eyes.

Secret Santa

I've organized some holiday in Denmark, primarily for my Grandma's 70th birthday, but I'm also going to see my other gran while I'm there. The tickets are booked, I have the time off work and it's close enough to my exams to be great revision, without being so close it's going to fuck up my other exams.

In school today, we also did secret Santa. I've never done secret Santa before, I'm very excited. I'm also very organised and have already ordered the gift for my person. I'm looking forward to this immensely.

Today was the last day. The school is now shut for almost 2 weeks, while they move everything from the old building into the new one. I get about 4 months in the new school before I go on study leave, so I'm not all that excited if I'm honest. Plus we've all been given work to do over the break. I'm missing 43 hours of lessons, yet I've ended up with over 70 hours of work. I am not impressed.

Shopping at Cribbs

Christmas shopping at cribbs causeway Bristol was completed in a wonderfully overly-organised fashion. I love cribbs: it's huge and has loads of great shops. My mother also does. All through buying presents I was thinking, "oh, I wanna try that, I could use one of them, that'd look great on me..."

My mum was thinking the same, and so we're going shopping there on Friday after getting waxed.

Speaking of shopping, I have my costume for a Heroes and Villains party on Saturday sorted out. I will be attending as mob leader, Al Capone. My costume involves:

• 4 inch heels
• Extra long, baggy, black trousers
• Cropped, black tux jacket
• White tie
• Trilby
• And a huge gun

Sounds good, no?

Women are Imspossible

(Sorry honey)


My day at work taught me one thing. Women are ridiculous. This is why.

I was just about to go on break, when they called me to checkouts. I sat down and one woman started piling on her shopping. She had a whole trolley full. And then another full trolley. I started scanning things through. It was adding up fast. By the time we were done, it was £500 worth of shopping. She paid with her husbands card, he was standing next to her. He looked like he might cry. She told him to shut up and that "it was only money."

Earlier that day, a young woman and her partner were picking their dinner. She looks at him and says, "darling, pick a dip for the snacks."
He picks one and tries to put it in the basket. She moves the basket away and shakes her head, "not that one, darling." He picks up another and she does the same. He picks up 7 different dips before he picked the right one.
"Great choice, darling." She walks off. The poor guys looks completely lost.

A little later, a woman sent her man to find the buttermilk. I happened to know we'd run out, but I didn't fancy telling him. He tells her that there are none. She has a proper big go at him, telling him he's stupid for not being able to see it, she walks over to the place where it should be, sees the gap and the 'temporarily unavailable' sticker. "Oh."

Another occasion was a woman lecturing her husband on tying the bread up properly in the plastic bag so it wouldn't touch anything else and they'd get poisoned.

Finally, I served a woman who asked me to find her a brand of unsalted butter. We didn't have that one brand. We had 3 others, but it had to be that one. Apparently, it ruined her whole week.

Excuse Win

I have one sentence to go on my personal statement. The last one. I've got through 11 drafts since starting it Monday night. That's not bad going.

Surprisingly I also found time to do all my homework this week and only skipped one lesson. All my homework, bar one. Higher Level German. She set me 13 pages of reading and 25 exercises. The reading was a romance story. Romance. Really!?

Point is, it was 10 minutes before my German lesson, and I still didn't have a reason why I hadn't done it. I asked some helpful people and after a few ideas we hit the jackpot. I walked into lesson.

"Hey, I haven't done the homework."
"Oh, why not?"
"It got packed into one of the boxes with stuff that's going to the new school. I haven't had a chance to look through it all, I've been doing my personal statement."
"Ah. I've packed all of my books and our work for this lesson in boxes too."

After a slideshow, I left. That lesson was over fairly fast.

What the Doctors Said

Apparently, I have an iron deficiency. They think. They didn't actually test for that, but saw that I had small red blood cells. Apparently that's an indicator. A test to find out has been taken now, but she says if I am, I'm only borderline. She's given me iron tablets to take twice a day, but seems a little sceptical that it's iron that's causing me to sleep. If I don't stop napping by January, she will try to fit me in for a course of sleep observation at the sleep clinic. Oh the joy.

Blueberry Hospital Popcorn

School was nothing spectacular.

After 5th lesson, Lexy and I run off to her and drive to the hospital. As we go, we realise neither of us have any change for the parking machine. We stop at a petrol tank and Lexy pulls into a parking space, I open the door and she screams "NO!" I shut the door. She then proceeds to park perfectly. Her reasoning being that it makes people think she's a good driver. I will point out, she is a good driver, and the parking thing, is kind of annoying. I go in to buy something to get a load of change. The man behind the counter looks at me apologetically and says:
"I have no change today." I was a little surprised. I swapped the £5 into change with a woman, and the £10 from the till (he magicked up some change).

We drive on towards the hospital. We stop at the traffic lights just outside it. Lexy points out, we're over the line. I look out the window. We weren't over the line, not really; we were sitting on top of the pedestrian crossing instead. Nice.

We realise we are almost an hour early and after a few laps round the parking lot, decide to drive to the cinema. It doesn't take long before we're not too sure which way we're going. I have a hunch, Lexy has another. We decide to go round twice, knowing we'd recognise the road once we see it. Or so I thought. Lexy changed lanes a little bit illegally and went down the road I'd had a hunch about.
"This is the wrong road."
She was not impressed. We missed 4 places we could have turned, before finding a really tiny round about that we turned around on. It felt like we were spinning on ourselves. Strange feeling to get in a car. We get to the cinema, both of us realising we don't normally come from this direction. Lexy parks perfectly before I am allowed to go in and buy a regular portion of salty popcorn. I get inside and order a large. I would be lying if I didn't call it a bucket.

I eat some of the popcorn and we start driving back to the hospital, using the route we both think is the one we normally use. It really wasn't. We got to the hospital and were directed to the alternative parking. The parking guy was given popcorn, we were given a parking space and Lexy was given a compliment.

I continued eating popcorn on the way home and by the time it was dinner, I had finished the entire bucket. Now, having finished the second draft of my personal statement I wish to end the day with comedy and an ice lolly to calm my throbbing mouth.

Chav-tastic

My girlfriend has got this cute habit of getting dropped off at school by bus and coming to meet me as I walk. Today we walked past two adolescent male chavs.

"ey up, let's get some!"
"Are you female? Are you gay?"
*Silence*
"Gay-boys!"

Smooth. Label yourself homosexual. Because all the lesbians love to fuck the gay guys.

Today

(Monday, for those that don't know weekdays)

Second week running my TOK presentation was cancelled. Suits me. I'm yet to start my personal statement. I really should. German assistant was away. Spent the time mockering Sara. Maths was spent being mocked by the teacher. I have to do a character analysis on someone I've never read about, in a book I don't know. I'll start the personal statement. Or get someone else to.

Sunday

Got 10 hours sleep and still napped in the afternoon. My mum and I went shoe shopping (mine are leaking, nay: sucking up water like sponges and we live in rainy England). I got no shoes. There were none in my size, shape (flat) and price range. Lots of sandals and high heeled boots though. I did get two pairs of skinny jeans and a new T shirt though, so it was worth it.

On Sunday night, whilst trailing through the erotic fiction of deviant art (not something I do often, you'll come to see why), I stumbled across this. Regardless of what you normally think of erotica, this is... worth reading.

Saturday

Another day at work. I work in a fairly male dominated section. Half way through the afternoon tidy, W asks me if I've seen one of the guys in charge (who claims to be a total stud). I tell him no, and ask why. Turns out they're playing a game. "Racks Away" involves a point system:

• 1 point for a great pair of tits
• 1 point for a MILF (must have a child with them)
• 2 points for a MILF with a great pair

It really is that simple (and shallow). W and one other guy both got 10, one guy from fruit and veg got 7, I joined halfway through and got 5, the Stud only managed to see 3. Pathetic.

The time was passed by talking about sex. W had started the day with morning sex (first words of the day were "do you have a rubber?"), M&B Guy hasn't had sex since August and that was with his psycho ex. The Stud claimed to be single by choice, but everyone knows his ex dumped him and he was not pleased about it. Good fun.

Friday

Got to economics, sat down. Everyone else (including the teacher) were late. When they arrive conversation starts up. Boy one finds a disc and puts it on his finger like a ring. It gets stuck. Boy two brutally tears disc off Boy one's finger. Finger swells slightly. Teacher explains he has packed away our lesson plan and has found an alternative task. Boy one tells teacher how he scored almost top marks on a Geo test, but failed the other tests so badly he only got a C. While he explains he puts the disc back on the same finger. Another member of the class mock his failing, pointing out he's stupid enough to get his finger stuck on the disc twice. Boy two looks over, sees disc on finger and pulls the disc off his finger. Taking skin with it. Blood is dripping onto the table. My teacher asks the class if we'd rather have a discussion or independent research lesson. No one is paying attention to him, so he questions me directly and sends me on my way while the boys make jokes about Boy ones stupidity and bleeding finger.

When I complain about the stupid guys that are the rest of my class, I'm not being sexist, they just conform to the stereotype.

The Birthday of one Olivaliv

Last night was a wondeful night of cakes with faces, nerdy speeches, talk of nuns and inside out condoms. Food was curry, so I had chicken and chips. Lovely. Had a jolly good time.

Cheesy Chips

For lunch I had cheesy chips. They were delicious. Now I'm ready for a few hours of napping and listening to the epic win that is the surfing play list, for mine and Lexy's holiday. And just generally day dreaming about a certain gorgeous someone, who should know who they are by now.

Driving

The power of naps is continuing: I fell asleep in 2 (possibly 3, I can't remember economics) lessons and I've ended up with a doctors appointment to get my thyroids checked out. Just because I like to sleep. And because I have no control over it.

It's my 18th in a while (23rd Dec) and my mum wants me to learn to drive. I don't want to. It's expensive, I live where I can get everywhere I want through lifts, buses and trains, it's dangerous and it doesn't have my interest at all. I appreciate that between not drinking, smoking, having an interest in drugs and not driving I'm not "cool" as far as teenagers go. I'm cool with that. Now I've just got to find a way to explain that to my mother (she *really* wants me to learn. I *really* don't). I think I'll point out she didn't learn until she was thirty something and she did just fine.

I also find myself missing Sara when I don't see her. Like during a lesson. A 50 minute lesson. Most inconvenient.

Napping Power

Napping has returned, more powerful than ever. I was 10 minutes late to English, awake for the first 10 and the last 5. I slept for the other 25. I really tried not to. I also slept through my free and some of lunch. I was up reasonably late last night. I also napped once I got home.

On the upside, I earnt £30 last night, finished my biology coursework and my TOK presentation. Which was cancelled due to the teacher forgetting to turn up and the projector being broken. The German assistant is also having trouble debating with me. Not only do i put up an argument you'd have difficulty shooting down, but we agree on everything. I enjoy it, I always win.

I've had worse days.

Meet the Parents

Staying over at Sara's was... an experience.

I headed over there straight after work. Nervous doesn't really cover it. Shitting myself is getting closer. I arrived and her parents were out. We went upstairs and it was, as always, awesome. Even just lying next to her, talking gives me butterflies.

Her parents came home. I was still nervous, so we decided to lie low in her room for a bit longer. We went down using the kittens as a cover. I said hey and asked how she's been. She didn't look at me. She asked Sara's dad a question (he was lovely by the way, so were the siblings). This might not sound so bad, but I'm always acknowledged pretty much immediately. I don't match the wall paper, people always notice me. Her mum didn't talk to Sara either. It was 13 hours before she looked at or spoke to me.

It was like being in a country where being gay is illegal. We weren't allowed to get close anywhere we might be seen, it was not accepted that we were together as a couple. I'm not used to having to be paranoid about being seen or not being trusted. I was put in the spare room and Sara was meant to stay in her room to sleep. She didn't, but she was meant to. Her mum came upstairs in the morning and saw her bed still made, and Sara sneaking out of the spare room with some impressive bed head. Her mum saw her, turned and walked back down stairs. Sara later told me that her mum hadn't been pleased to be officially told that we were back together.

It was harder than I'd expected it to be. I'd do it everyday if it meant I got to see her.

Behind on Blogs

There are a couple of blogs being created, but I'm a bit behind and really need a day off just for blogging.

I went to see Surrey Uni today, it's amazing and it's asking for grades which I'm going to get. Perfection!

Tomorrow I'm working then going straight to Sara's. I'm meeting her mum. I'm a bit nervous. It's the first time in about 4 years. Sara says it'll be fine. I want to believe her.

We're also planning on taking photos (the good kind) and generally wanting to have some fun.

Same Heat, No Burn Victims

Another great afternoon. Actually, it was better. No one was burnt and we weren't interrupted. She left covered in tiny red bite marks all over her torso. Not my fault she bruises like an over-ripened peach.

Burning (and) Desires

Sara came round. We both had lunch and then a free, so we decided to chill out at mine. And for the record chilling out largely involves my thigh between her legs. My teeth leaving red marks all over her hot pale skin.

Pretty much amazing. As things were heating up again, I hear a loud whistle. I jump off the bed (and off Sara), wrap something around me and see my mum standing in the shower half dressed. She'd dropped boiling water on her leg. She stood under the cold shower for an hour, whilst on the phone to my grandma (retired nurse), to make sure she was doing the right thing. I did not make it back to school.

The water didn't even leave a mark.

Lost Cynicism and Disease Ridden

I'm in love.

I don't believe in love. I mock it. I think it's what people in relationships tell themselves to make what they're doing feel worthwhile.

And yet, here I am. Head over heels.

I wont lie: I despised the feeling. I hate anything I can't easily label and safely put away in a box. I like to have complete control; with Love, I have none. I'm growing to like it. It makes me smile, it's got the edge on me.

I called her and we sat in silence while I formulated.

"I don't know much about love, or how it's meant to feel. But if I could choose, it would feel like this."

We chatted a bit, and while we did, I realised that no one can tell you what love is, because it's different for everyone. So when I feel that this is how it should be, then that's how it is.

"I love you."

I smiled when I heard it. Didn't even have to think about it.

"I love you too."

So there you have it, I've been infected with this odd brand of disease. And it's okay.

Homophobic Librarian

First day back at school as a couple. Is it so surprising that we can't keep our hands off each other? I wouldn't say so.

The school librarians are well known for being the most tight lipped bitches of our entire school. They take a huge amount of pleasure in kicking people out and making ridiculous comments. They genuinely think they have power. They are wrong.

There is a constant lack of chairs so I happily share with Sara or Lexy, but Librarian comes by and says, "one bottom per chair." No joke. Eating is not allowed and whenever I get caught, I get kicked out. This was one of those occasions.

Sara came with me and we sat outside the library in the corridor. We're kissing and the librarian walks past. Blissfully unaware of this I keep kissing. There's this odd noise. I look up. The stupid woman was shaking her keys at us as she walked past.

Is that Dewey decimal code for "I'm homophobic"? We laughed, mocked her once she'd gone. Carried on kissing. We weren't even on her 'territory'. We got up to leave for lesson, I lent in and kissed Sara goodbye.

"Right! That's IT!"

We turn around, see an angry, yet ridiculous looking woman: the librarian.

"I told you to stop kissing! And you completely ignored me! NO ONE wants to see you snogging!"

I felt this rage bubble up inside me. I let it out.

"You didn't "tell" us anything! More to the point, why shouldn't we kiss?"

"It's not appropriate."

"Oh really? And why is that?"

"What kind of silly question is that?"

"I don't think it is a silly question, I see nothing wrong with me kissing my GIRLFRIEND, so why don't you tell me?"

"It's at school, no one wants to see it."

"I want to. This is unbelievable. Fucks sake."

I resisted the urge to kiss Sara goodbye before leaving. I know she was furious too.

It wouldn't have bugged me but she'd walked past and glanced at a straight year 12 couple just down the corridor. If you want to enforce something, it should be equality.

Tent Fun

We had 4 tents and 8 people. Sara and I got our own tent.

Right after we put the tent up we had a great make-out session. It was the first time where I could get lost in the moment without listening to chavs screech like hyenas, or friends telling us to quit making out all the time. I got to relax and feel her lips on mine, my fingers running through her newly short strands of hair. Her hands brushed my sides and waist. My tongue skimmed her lips. She dug her fingers into my skin and I moaned softly. My hand tugged on her hair, until she gasped, my other hand running down her back, my legs wrapped around her pulling her closer...

Around one we go to bed, her jeans are soaking, I insist she take them off. She obliges. My mouth skims her knee. Her skin is smooth under my lips. My mouth gently moves up her thigh; her fingers trail through my hair. My tongue playfully teases her skin, she gets hotter and the higher my mouth goes, the more heat I can feel from her skin.

Around 5 I open my eyes, lean over and wake up Sara. I kiss her softly at first. Her lips are smooth and hot, my fingers run over the skin of her shoulders, it's hot to the touch. I pull off her hoodie and tshirt, my t-shirt is pulled over my head. Her hot skin on mine. I slipped into her sleeping bag and my thigh was locked between her legs. I kissed her, she kissed me: harder, rougher, slowly grinding against me. Her soft skin easily brushing against mine, my hand grazing her spine. Her whole body arches and my lips kiss her collar bone. Her legs tighten around mine, I push myself against her, closer, hotter, faster. We keep going until I can't breathe and my whole body spasms. My head spins and she gasps, catching her breath before opening her eyes and looking into mine.

Party Fun

...And there she is. Sara. She smiles, we kiss. It was just so nice to see her again. We walked and kissed and got to JJ's birthday meal. There were *some* cancellations and no-shows, but it was a good meal. We walked to JJ's, picked up a friend on the way, and 3 more people arrived a little while after, bringing the numbers up to 8. Everyone got off with someone. It was a good night, Sara and I didn't drink, but it was good fun.

There was fun of putting up tents in the dark, smashing a glass lamp, followed by drunken denial, leaking tents and many other amusing incidents. A great night.

Milk

Work was exceptionally busy. There was so much back stock to go through. I spent the morning talking to M&B Guy (Milk and Butter Guy). I know the girl he likes and I know what she thinks of him, so I decided to torture him. I never did tell him, I think he should find out by asking her.

Over lunch I read my lesbian magazine with W. He thinks people who are out are brave. I think people who are closeted aren't ready; people who are out were ready.

After lunch I was put on milk. I was kneeling on the floor and one slipped. Suddenly I have 4 pints down me. I have to stand by my flood of milk until someone comes by to get a floor wet sign. For five minutes.

After work I changed and walked downstairs, and out the green metal door...

Uni Visits

Was meant to be getting waxed Friday, but cancelled in order to go to Birmingham. Visited two unis: Birmingham and Aston. Birmingham was a nice place, but it was just abit conventional for me. I'm sure I'd enjoy it once if I went there as a student. I like Aston, the campus is in town and it's abit more rough and worn down. There was a huge variety in the people and I'm sure that Birmingham would be rated a better uni, with a better campus, but I got a really good feel from Aston.

We stopped for coffee on the way back. I adore spending time with my mum. She's glad Sara and I are back and happy.