the 100th Blog (Be Afraid)

I don't think I have the time to think up one giant list of 100 things. Instead I'll give you 3 lists of 20, 3 of 10 and two of 5. Just because.

20 Funny Diary Quotes
1. "Why don't you give 80-year olds smear tests?
...Have you ever tried opening a cheese toastie?"
2. "I love doing oral... I'm just not very good at it."
3. *Whispering under breath
"are you bitching about me?"
"why would you suggest that?"
"Miss! She's bitching about me!"
*Teacher comes over
"What did I say then?"
"Well, I don't know..."
"So how do you know I was being bitchy? How do you know it was about you? How do you know I haven't gone mad and started talking to myself?"
*Teacher smiles and walks away
"Of course it was about you, you fat slag."
"MISS!"
"What?"
"She...she..."
"I didn't do anything, but that was footwork."
4. "'Ooh, eurgh, beurgh! It's french."
5. [written on arm] "I am Smbx if found... EAT ME!"
6. "He's going grey.... Should I tell him?"
7. "Humans bond when they kiss, but that doesn't mean the kiss is good... Don't give away your kisses!"
8. "Playing on his xbox or just his joystick?"
9. "You can't go out with him; I'll be the girl who cuts off his balls, fries them and serves them to him as breakfast before he realises they're gone."
"And I'll provide the scissors!"
10. "You know he said to me, 'when we go out I wont ever pressure you for sex. But when we do, whose house?' I avoided the question and he asked, ' whose condoms?'"
11. "I didn't bite. I cut them off, fried them and sold them for a quid."
12. "Why couldn't you have broken something cheaper.. Like the cooker or the washing machine..."
13. "You've got this 'I'm so lovely and innocent on the outside, but so damn nasty on the inside' down to an art."
14. "It's like the stick up your ass has a stick up it's ass."
15. "Short, gay and a pain in the ass. At leat if you spend the night with him..."
16. "Where are your shoes?"
"I have a note"
*long pause of intensive staring at the offending shoes*
"Would you like to see it?"
"No."
17. "I'm two seats away, I'm not blind!"
18. "So I'm going to write an angry letter."
"Proposal."
"Right, angry proposal letter."
19. "There are worse things than being a housewife... You could be ginger."
20. "Of course you're disgusted, I would be too if I had a cock as small as yours!"

Top 20 Reasons to Blog
1. You get to vent your opinion
2. People can't judge you if you're anonomous
3. It's good for you
4. You'll learn about other people's lives (and how very mundane they are)
5. You'll learn about other people's lives (and all the sex you didn't know they were having)
6. It's great for procrastinating
7. Having people follow you is an ego trip
8. Having people comment on your blogs is an ego trip
9. You get to make lists that other people read
10. You get to read about people who are just like you
11. You get to read about people who are nothing like you
12. You can find an idol
13. You can brag about the things (and the people) you do and noone can judge you - they chose to read it
14. You can start a trend amongst people you know
15. You can keep track of your life at a certain time and read it back later.
16. You can share things with strangers
17. You're making a contribution to society (sort of)
18. It will reduce real life whinging
19. You'll get to celebrate things like your first follower, and your 100th blog
20. You'd be lame if you didn't

20 Reasons to Fuck
1. Orgasm. Multiple orgasm. The kind where you pass out abit
2. Stress relief through lower blood sugar and muscle relaxation
3. Experience. For those times when you want to say, "What about the time we..."
4. It boosts your immunity. Those who have more sex are less likely to get the common cold.
5. It burns calories. 35 for a good half-hour.
6. It improves your image call-back. Another way of putting this is that you get flashbacks.
7. It reduces your chances of having a heart attack by up to 50% if you have regular sex.
8. It boosts your self-esteem. Having someone worship your body until they cum, how could it not?
9. Gives you a good night sleep. Or no sleep at all.
10. It lowers your pain thresh-hold. Better get rougher.
11. If you're a guy and you frequently cum during your 20s you can reduce the risk of prostate cancer later in life.
12. It's damn good fun.
13. Girls can strengthen their keegel muscles which can intensify orgasm and has health benefits later in life.
14. Sex clears your skin and makes your hair shiny if you're a girl
15. Sex releases endorphin which is a chemical that makes you happy (also found in chocolate). Sex also functions as a tranquiliser and is up to 10 times more effective than valium.
16. Have sex and you'll smell like sex and be offered more sex. What a wonderful cycle.
17. Kissing leads to better oral hygiene (Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up).
18. Sex can release headaches through releasing tension on the blood vessels in the brain.
19. Sex is a natural antihistamine. Screw more, have less asthma and hayfever.
20. Orgasm. Multiple orgasm. The kind where you pass out abit

10 Great Places to Fuck
1. Bed. I know it's not adventerous, but if the other half is screaming in pain it's best to be in private. Alternatively, someone else's.
2. An adult nude beach/colony or live sex show. You gotta try it.
3. A pool. Jacuzzi will do. Stick to clean water.
4. Sex swing. Be acrobatic.
5. Public toilet. Forget the germs, forget the smell and make more noise than anyone has ever done.
6. Any field. Don't be picky.
7. Dirty weekend away. Nothing like booking in under Miss and Miss Smith.
8. Tiled floor. Cool, slippy (careful in the shower though)
9. Airline toilets. It had to be here (and it's one of the most efficient ways of burning calories through sex)
10. Whatever place you need for your ultimate fantasy. Everyone is different.


10 Great Positions to Screw In (for straight couples I'm afraid)
1. Doggie. Great friction and guys go crazy if they get to ride you and hold on to your ass. Plus you don't have to look interested.
2. Cowgirl. You're in control, you decide how fast or slow and you can push him on all te best spots.
3. Reverse Cowgirl. As above but his cock rubs you harder inside and you don't have to look interested.
4. Anal. The best one for beginners is said to be missionary but girl on her front. Least painful and easiest to control.
5. Missionary. It's intimate and if he's big enough it feels damn good.
6. One Leg Over. As in one of yours over his shoulder. the angle change feels so good.
7. Both Legs Over. As above. You loose all control. Let him hit your g-spot without trying.
8. On a Table. You sit, he stands. Nothing quite like it.
9. Standing. Definately one of my all time favourites. He stands, you slide onto his cock and you wrap your legs and arms around his hot, sweating body.
10. Any kind of foreplay. I know it's not technically sex, but it's damn important and I do love foreplay.

10 Great Stress Releases (which I have done)
1. Sex
2. Telling a stranger with a cigarette that smoking kills
3. Masturbation
4. Running towards 50 screaming kids with rubber tubing as a defence
5. Tetris
6. Showing someone who offended you up
7. Waterfight
8. Screaming at the top of your lungs for no real reason.
9. Telling members of staff that they're being ridiculous
10. Dancing around naked. Or wearing saucy underwear. Listening to really loud music.


5 Must have Toys
1. A small, strong for clit and gentle fucking. For your travels
2. A nice vibe. Whether you like girth or length or both, the perfect dildo will be out there.
3. G-spot vibe. It's amazing what that little pod of pleasure can do when properly stimulated
4. The Rabbit. Although not by any means my favourite, it's worth a try because most that use it love it.
5. Thai beads. Something so simple that makes your orgasm so explosive.

5 Short Erotic Scenarios
To Follow Shortly