Paraphrasing

I kept a diary for several years (like writing everyday) and I would record amusing things people said. I figured I could share a few with you.

"The only thing worse than spending another second in your comany would be watching a 5 hour documentary on the life-cycle of the common mushroom."

"I am not sitting with no clothes on. I am standing, walking and dancing!"

"You're really freaking X out."
"What have I done now?"
"She thinks you're a lesbian."
"Even if i was a lesbian, I would never go out with X."
*She starts laughing hysterically*
"Why are you laughing? I wouldn't date you either."

"I'm so horny, I'd have anyone. Not you."

"Three's company"
"Don't you mean a crowd?"
"Depends who the other girl is."

"Hello my lesbian dyke friend."
"Lesbian dyke? Maybe. Friend? Not a fucking chance in hell."

"You can laugh you know, it doesn't cost anything."
"I would, but you're not funny."

"(To me) ok, try to imagine that you're a person. With feelings."

"Oh no, don't worry Miss, I've just got cum in my eye."

"It's never long enough"

"Satan loves you xxx So do I xxx"

"They all started singing the wombles song and he looked so happy. By which I mean thoroughly miserable."

"You're a terrible influence!"
"I'm a tempting influence, you just can't resist!"

"I see your point... Can I see your point?"

"You're not good looking and I don't think you're funny."

"I never made a move on you because I like a challenge and you're just too easy."

"...Because we have this thing called an "ego-clash." It's where I use your easily bruised ego to inflate mine a little more."

"Once you're dead, you're wormfoood"

"I'm trying to have a conversation with you, so tell your girlfriend to get her tongue out your ass and listen up."

"No, it really is because I don't like you."

"Don't ask me what I'm thinking, I'm driven entirely by sexual and erotic thoughts."

"That hot, throbbing between your legs? It's chlamydia."

"You could fit a giant penguin over there... That would be weird though"

"Don't ever tell her that, it would kill her. I might tell her"

"I'll save the polo until after I've done the banana."

"Have you ever tried swinging from a chandelier? Don't, it doesn't work, you just fall off."