Facial Cleansing through Thin Walls

15th August – 23:32 This is the problem with caravans: thin walls. I can hear everyone else’s conversations and I’ve got my iPod plugged in. I can’t possibly do what I want to myself when the walls are this thin. I knew they’d be thin, which is why I didn’t bring a vibe, but I didn’t expect to be able to hear breathing. I may have to buy one of those Neutrogena Wave machines and get very excited about facial cleansing late every night.

Now I’m sorry to ask, but would a single female creature actually use that for anything near your face? It’s nothing more than a clit massager that shares its name with a rampant rabbit. It’s not even original.

As I kneel on a bed that feels about 10 inches wide (so really not fuck-friendly – which is something else I want to bring up), I taunt myself with things I want and can’t have. I leave my pussy throbbing and my knickers soaked with the deliciously dirty thoughts. The kind you only think up in the dark of night and you don’t share with anyone. Not even your followers on Blogger. At least not tonight.

Recently I have been looking at university accommodation and most of the cheaper ones have extremely narrow beds. Uni is often the first time you really get away from your parents and you can let out your truly filthy side and fuck whatever you like. But you’re going to have to get inventive about location because your room can barely contain your clothes (which is why you keep all your books outside in the skip), let alone another person. If you’re desperate to fuck on the bed, then God help you. You’re stuck with missionary since any other positions requires at least 3 inches more width. Of course missionary can be great (if you do it properly: lads, women are not a replacement for a hand, sex is not masturbation into a wetter hole), but you have to go easy because the pile of shit furniture will fall apart with more than a little pressure on it. Again, you’re stuck with thin walls, so when your bed creaks (and it will) all the people you who steal your food (also known as communal kitchen buddies) will know whenever you get lucky. Which might be fine, or it could get you a reputation. If you don’t fancy that, fuck at their place and pray it’s not the same building as your cousin (family reunion will be awkward) or shag behind the bike sheds.