Rain

20th August – 4:32 have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and even though you know its ridiculous, you feel as if you haven’t slept at all? That’s how I feel. Awake. I went and got myself a glass of ice and water even though I know it would make me cold. The wind is howling and hurling water up on the window, but only on one side: my side. I’m looking out through the tear-blurred window. It feels like the sea is being thrown up against the side of our caravan, but we’re about 50m walk and a half a mile drop away from the sea. I love the sea at night: it’s black and bottomless; imposing. Some nights I would walk out just to admire it: backing down to no one, wearing away the world to make space for itself. I’m not going out tonight. The wind is much too strong: I can hear cans flying around and hitting the ground, out of beat with the rest of the sounds. I can make out object being thrown against the side of the caravans. It’s raining so hard that it’s all I can hear. The sky is ripples of colours, dark and light, dark and light. It’s so loud. I can hear someone else is awake in the caravan. Despite all the natural beauty, the fury of the outside world, all I can think is: I’m so fucking glad I’m not in a tent tonight.