Needs and Desires

I want you to watch me cum.

I want to straddle you, and kiss your stomach, your chest and your shoulders, I want my tongue to run all over your naked skin. I want to feel my fingertips against your body and your heat on my skin. I need to drag my lips up your neck and softly bite you. I want to watch your eyes as my hands run down your chest and your face as they run up your sides. I want my tongue to tease your lips very gently and then for your mouth to touch my soft lips; to kiss them again and again getting harder and rougher with each kiss. I want you to roll me over and watch my body as I arch it up towards you, my mouth desperate for your lips. My skin needing your touch, aching for your touch; you aching to give it to me, to run your hand down my spine. My skin will shiver at your touch and you'll trace your hand down my hips, round the curve of my ass. You'll grab my thigh and pull me into you, our lips meeting. That kiss, the electric feel we both get: little shocks all through the body, right down my spine and giving me goosebumps all over. You pull me into you by the small of my back, my skin soft to your touch. Our bodies fit perfectly. You kiss my neck, tasting my salty skin. I feel your lips against me; your tongue teasing my skin, I sigh happily and tighten my grip around you a little. You trace your hand down my body, over my stomach. I breathe faster. You gently caress me and I gasp, my body tensing. I push towards your touch, my breathing getting heavier. You can see my chest pushing up and down and hear me panting, my neck arches back and my fingers dig into your sides. You slip a finger into me, my nails scrape against your back. I push into you and I softly moan when you slip another finger inside me. You gently fuck me with your fingers and I moan and pant each time you push inside me, my lips quiver and my chest shakes from pleasure. My nails dig in deeper. The hot smell of your skin scorches my mind

And then I want you to watch me cum.

Hot and Cold

Today while at school I napped in an office with a couple of others sitting around. While I was sleeping they thought they'd test if I really was a heavy sleeper. I am.

They ran an ice cold milk carton along my bare skin, piled stuff onto my stomach and slapped my ass several times. I did not wake up. I didn't even stir. When I did wake up my hip was freezing and my ass was throbbing hot. I queried them, I got the truth eventually. I was not impressed.

I also have two 400 word German writing tasks due in the next two days. One is a response to an article of our choice (for Evil Snake), the other is a speech on an environmental article (for Boring Dick). So I'm writing one speech on an environmental article and giving the same piece of work to both my teachers. Crafty, no?

Three Reasons

My Genuine Reasons For Not doing my Homework:

1. I have become addicted to this and I desperately want the song they play at the start but I can't find it anywhere.
2. I thought it was Monday, when it isn't so I have been procrastinating the wrong homework.
3. I misplaced my iPod yesterday and decided it needed to be found. I searched through my whole house and took my bed apart. When in exhaustion I reached for a sugary snack, I found it in my box of icing. I don't know how either.

A Note on Napping

The mother seems to believe there is something wrong with my sleep pattern. Given it doesn't conform very well, but then neither do I. Point is she's making me record all the sleep I get over 24 hours. She would then also like to have me tested to see if I'm anemic. I've decided to go along with it, although I'm certain she's being ridiculous and I just like to sleep in the afternoon.

Sleepy Head

I woke up epically late this morning. My mum dragged me out of bed at 8 (physically dragged) and with my lesson starting at 8.30 I didn't feel I stood a big chance. I didn't. I arrived at school 10 minutes before the end of my lesson and I was exhausted. Friends trying to feed me dog biscuits amongst other things followed while I was trying to nap.

Both my English lessons were quite amusing: people eating the hair of others, stealing anothers belt, sleeping on the desk, nuzzling into each others neck, huge wild hair, blushing from the unblushable, pinching noses and Fall Out Boy Ringtones. Due to this chaos, I stayed awake.

German however I did fall asleep in, however we did make 5 questions and one exercise take up 50 minutes so that was quite impressive. Lunch was spent in town with some friends eating chicken and drinking lemonade. Lexy and I also discussed travel for our holiday. Fingers crossed she'll have a car otherwise it starts to get complicated.

Just after lunch I had a brief flirtatious encounter with someone I vaguely know. Seemed nice, hopefully more will follow.

Hijacking an Office

Today in school we had an assembly for the boy who died. In biology we all cried. I wanted to walk out of the fire escape, but I stayed. I texted W because he sort of understands, he wasn't crying at the time and he was guaranteed to reply immediately. He made me feel a little better. As did Lexy snuggling into my neck (it's just something we do to make the other feel better). I wasn't expecting to react, but I did and so on top of not having had alot of sleep I was completely drained. I did very little in TOK. I had a free after that.

Due to having been completely drained, I decided that my free would be best spent sleeping. Knowing the librarian would have no problem with waking me and kicking me out for not being "productive" as she has done on many occasions, I decided my course leaders office would be my best bet. It was locked. Right next door was my head of years office. It was open. It was empty. I walked in and slept on the floor for an hour.

After an hour someone slammed the door in the common room and a picture fell down, crashed and came apart. About 2cm away from my face. At the sound I opened my eyes very wide and just stared at the metal frame, the sheet of glass and the photo lying right in front of me. After a while I sat up and fixed it before quietly leaving.

Over lunch the other office was opened and I was quite happily sitting and the phone went off. It's a two person office, so there are two phones. The person who was there ignored his phone ringing. The office then run the other line. It was ringing for a good two and half minutes. It was driving me insane. I offered to pick up and put it back down, to unplug the phone or pick up to tell them he wasn't there. All were declined. He then said: "look it's fine, it's not my phone, we can't pick it up." At this point they switched phones and his was ringing again.

Miscellaneous

It was a fairly busy day and I spent most of it running around the cafe. It was JJ's last day (she hopes, the gay supervisor may ask her to return next week). He wasn't happy that JJ's leaving now, I'm leaving next week and one of the other Sunday girls has broken her finger and can't work. Good timing, huh?

Due it being so busy, instead of getting lunch around half one or two-ish, I had my lunch at 4.30. The upside to this was that I spent my lunch flirting with this guy. He's already said he'll come back next week to see me off. He offered out of the blue. Nice guy.

Saturday morning a boy in the year above me died in a car crash and his friend is in a coma. The boy who died was good friends with W, so he was not in the best of states. I didn't personally know the boy who died and it hasn't really affected me. My response to tragic loss or sadness is inappropriate jokes. I met up with W this evening for a half hour and we just talked about nothing. Seemed to cheer him up and got me tot crawl out from under my duvet (I got home, napped for 2 hours and just stayed in bed).

I also found out that new job (soon to be known as "job") will pay for half my holiday because it's learning to do something. Ker-ching!

A Fantasy of a Phone Call

His rough voice filled up my mind. In the dark of night and early morning his words echoed. He put images into my mind and let the monotone of a dead call accompany me into an oblivion of a climax.

Autopilot

Something has happened. I'm not sure how it happened. One of the guys I work with is quite whiny, so we'll call him W. Last week W was whining about wanting my number. ALL DAY LONG. After 9 hours, I snapped. He hasn't stopped texting me since. He puts anywhere between 6 and 11 x's at the end of his texts.

He runs his hands across my back and waist at every chance he gets. In fairness, I don't stop him. He has a girlfriend, claims he's not a cheater and he knows I'm not interested, so I class him as low risk. Yet somehow I agreed to meet up with up with him out of work. Here's what happened:

W: "whine, whine, whine, whine..."
Me: *Autopilot, nod in agreement*
W: "whine, whine - great, so I'll see you next Saturday at 8."

I vaguely remember agreeing and promising to go. I have the worst autopilot.

Clearly I'm sending out some sort of signal to people who are superior to me (technically we are equal, but I'm new so we're not).

He also walked part of the way home with me and when I asked him why he was doing it he said that it was just a nice thing to do. He got really pissed off when I pointed out that nice as it was, I'm more than capable of getting myself home. Despite all this, he is actually quite a nice guy, I'm just not interested.

I also trapped my hand between a cage full of stuff and an industrial fridge door. Three times in a row. It's gone blue and swollen, but it's going down. It would have hurt alot more at the time if I hadn't been numb from the cold.

Commuting and Big Tits

Our school is currently on two sites. Young kids at one, older at the other. My day went like so: English (upper), help with year 7 (lower), economics (upper), maths (upper), helping with year 7 (lower), helping with year 7 (lower). I did not enjoy the commuting, however helping was mostly good fun.

My parcel arrived, so I will play as soon as I've done some maths and put my bedding on. Soon.

My new bigger bra also arrived. It was too small. I'm hoping it was the style/make and not the size because going up another cup size terrifies me to my very soul. I wouldn't mind if they weren't so bloody heavy, but you try carrying all this weight on your nipples and shoulders. I don't have the build for big boobs, I should be a C cup tops. Alas, I am not.

A Day Dream from a Different Time

Lips, soft against mine, she slips her tongue into my mouth while I twist my fingers around the short strands of hair on the back of her head. My finger slides down her smooth neck, and one by one my fingers cup her breast. My thumb slips over her nipple and I gently bit her lip. I pull away and watch her open her deep chocolate coloured eyes. I see my own reflection in them: my eyes shimmering, my messy hair a little less organised than usual. I smile. She wraps her hand around my neck and her lips touch mine. Gently teasing my lips with hers, then her tongue touches mine and we get lost in the moment. I kiss her hard, and deep, pushing my body against her, we stumble back, hit a wall, I press her in between the wall and me, my curves fitting with hers perfectly. She pulls my hair hard and spins me round, slamming me against the wall. I bite her lip and she gasps. I grip her hair and she lets go of mine. I snarl at her before kissing her hard and digging my nails into her back.

Internet Spending

Something horrible happened last night (pre-climax).

First up my boobs grew. This might not be a bad thing but I now have £180 worth of bras that don't fit me and ever more excruciating back aches. Secondly I had to buy a new bra which meant choosing from a total of about 8 (I don't get alot of choice in my size). The bra is very nice though, I settled on this. That's not too bad.

Then I stumbled* across my favourite sex toy site. It would appear I ended up spending £70.

So that's a total of £90 within about 2 hours. That's more than a whole weekends wages. Not good, if I'm honest. All the same I am looking forward to my packages arriving very much. I'm not the only one either. The package contains this for me and this for a friend, plus some lube because that's just good sense. The item for me is a well done present from me to me for getting through so much work, getting my other job and being myself. I like motivation.

*stumbled - actively searched it out

Horny

I was barely horny today. Consider it an addiction: orgasms. I need them, I constantly think about them and when I don't get them I get sour as a grape (the sour, bitter kind).

Yesterday I got a fix so good I didn't feel the need to play all day. This is practically unheard of. It was still playing on my mind, but it was more the lingering memory of what brought my climax about. It was intense.

However, me not being horny made me decide to manipulate others. I start the day with a nice low-cut top. I then make references to my own cleavage all day. I actually left James well alone. I picked on Sara. Within 5 minutes of talking to her it was clear: she was craving a climax. She just saw sex everywhere. I may have broadcast that she was horny until she admitted it. By shouting it across the library.

Didn't stop me: I kept on with the broadcasting and decided to just generally tease her. Because I could. Carpe Diem and all that.

Things I Can't get Off my Mind

When I bite his neck or chest or the soft skin just by his arm he does it. When I drag my nails down his back or pull on his hair he does it. When he first feels my tongue on him, he does it.

That gasp. Delicious every time.

Vaccine

I am not happy. Sara has been given the HPV vaccine before me. The one that stops sexually transmitted viruses developing into cervical cancer. The virginal lesbian gets the vaccine before me. I am of far higher risk, surely?

And don't think I haven't tried to get the vaccine, I've been down the doctors surgery every other month asking if I can have it yet and every time I'm told that I have to wait until I am "invited by my school." I may just throttle someone.

The NHS bring it on themselves: teen pregnancy rates and STD/STI rates are higher than ever? Is it surprising? I went to see my doctor about getting condoms a good year ago. She told me I should wait until I was in a relationship. I wanted to be prepared! She also told me that I should pump myself full of chemicals, because obviously that's the answer to all my worries: drugs!

But wait, substance abuse is on the up, as is people becoming over reliant and addicted to prescription medication. I wonder how that happened.

All the same I do love the NHS - one thing they got right was making emergency contraception free from the GP chemist (I don't have £25 to spend when a condom splits or slips off and I'm not taking risks). Plus I don't have to improve my hand eye coordination: they'll always fix me for free.

My Notes from Social Studies

Your hands wrap around my thighs, keeping me steady. I kneel above you. Your mouth brushes my lips making my skin tingle. Hot mouth, wet tongue: delicious.

My hands run through your hair. Your teeth peel away my underwear. Your breath hot on my thighs. Your eyes catches mine, you shut them as you kiss me.

Your tongue snakes inside me and my grip tightens, pulling on your hair. the tip of your tongue teases my clit. You look up and see me:
eyes pinched shut, lips parted, gasping.

Beautiful Filthy Thoughts

I gasp: his teeth clamp around my nipple and his lips kiss my breast. My legs are wrapped around him, hands in his hair; pulling twisting. His hands are on my waist, my back, my ass. Pulling me into him as I grind against him. That look in his eye. That sexy, lust-filled look. He drags his eyes up my torso and looks at my face, my eyes. Speckles of green in with the blue.
Amazing.

CDO (because that's the order it should go in)

I'm a very tidy and generally organised person. To the point where I don't think I have any friends that don't believe I have at the very least mild OCD. Could be to do with colour coding my wardrobe, not mixing food (there are special rules about sauces and gravies), all my files being organised into folders, memorising my time table in about 2 days (this one's just good sense though - until they change the room), the way things really should be done my way because it just makes alot more sense (and it does), but finally because my room is freakishly tidy at all times.

At all times, but now. It's in a frankly horrific state, clothes all over the floor, books all over the floor, bedding still not put on (4th day running - will return to this later), bed not made, clothes not taken off the washing line, there's stuff that does not belong on my desk here and nothing is lined up properly. It's starting to get to me. It needs tidying. It's primarily due to having been out most of the weekend (packing in a rush is never clean) and I really can't do it now, I have an economics past paper to finish and a German blog to write. I've managed to clear a tunnel, so when I sit at my desk I can only see a small clean area, but I know it's there.

The bedding was given to me Friday night when I put my sheet on and passed out on the bed. Saturday I did not sleep at home and last night I had been exhausted just before bed and so passed out after putting on my pillow cases. This means my duvet cover is still not on and my bed hasn't been made in 4 days (I usually make it everyday and there are rules: big cushion in the corner with the corner opposite the string facing up, the plumper pillow on top, duvet so it touches the floor (and covers the organised storage under my bed), green felt cover from the back of the bed over the top of the duvet and then alternating the green and white cushions and blue squishy pillows standing up against the side (starting with a blue pillow in the right hand corner) finally a red and orange cover sits over the edge of the bed on the end and a red squishy is placed on top like the cherry on top).

It's how it should be. I'm gonna go clean now and then force myself to stay up late and try not to get distracted so I might actually do my homework.

The Carnival

It was good fun, started out the night with some friends who I was staying over with, we watched the actual carnival and then bumped into some friends with alcohol. I don't drink, but it kept them happy until one of the guys started passing out and talking bollocks because he was completely of his face. I'd found other company by then, and I'm glad because it sounds like abit of a nightmare.

I was hanging out with other friends which until about midnight was dandy, but then a friend of a friend upset the wrong people and got punched in the neck and angry people chased my friends with a golf club. I'm sure it sounds funny, but I'm led to believe it was not so fun for those involved (I was on alcohol watch duty and therefore sheltered from this).

I was seeing people I hadn't seen in quite a while so there was alot of
"I hear you bat for the other team now."
"Actually I bat for both."
"Awesome... Do you have any lesbian friends?"
"Why? They're not gonna sleep with you, you have a penis."
"Yeah, but we can watch them. And grope them. And do stuff in the corner..."
Welcome to the life of shallow, drunk guys.

I also exacted justice and stole back a Samurai Sword by jamming it down between my tits. Thief was removed from our crowd by police, and owner of sword was grateful to have it back.

So overall it was a good night out, I had alot of fun and I was safely tucked in a sleeping bag by 1.30.

Down Sides of Smoking

I've got a bad habit. It makes certain people dislike me. These people are smokers.

My bad habit is telling them all the down sides to smoking. Things like impotence, lower sperm count, breaking down the natural silicone (causing wrinkles), gives you lung cancer, can cause heart problems, hairy tongue, smelling bad, discolouration of the teeth, killing your natural pheromones and even a receding hairline.

Today at work (which was a generally good day), I spent almost 2 hours telling one of the night staff about the dangers of smoking. It was the impotence one that really got to him. not helped by the fact that I pointed out, "can you imagine never being able to have sex without being assisted by medication? I don't think I could face myself, especially not if I was a man."

I would bombard him with facts or snide comments, then walk away before he could object. So not only was I making him extremely paranoid, I was also being deliberately annoying. He didn't seem to like how much I was enjoying his pain. That's what work is for though really, bringing a message and winding up guys.

One other thing about work, I'll be having my last day on the 4th of October and then I am done. They're starting to charge us for lunch and I'm so not ok with that, therefore I quit. I'll take overtime at the new job instead.

Pain in the Neck

Good day today, aside from this neck pain. Feels like I pulled a muscle or something. I can only imagine how I did that.

Despite having economics, double maths and German in the same day, I had a great day. Most likely due to memories of yesterdays orgasms. Just yummy.

Tomorrow I'm at work 10-7 and then straight to the next towns carnival. It should be great fun and I have settled on dressing to kill. Sunday I'm working 9-6, so blogging will be minimal. Have a good weekend!

Trying New Things and First Times

Today was an exceptionally good day. School was average but I had chips for lunch and I got up to a couple of hours fun that ended frankly explosively. Worked up quite an apetite. Nothing quite like orgasms.

Am trying fried chicken noodles for the first time. Should be good.

Lack of Nap

Today I planned my already packed weekend. I am looking forward to it. I also forgot to nap. It's taking it's toll. Darn.

Note from German

German teacher: If you think about it, to clone yourself, you would need to be very self centered. What sort of person would clone themselves? Who loves themselves enough, is arrogant and egotistical enough, to want to make an identical copy of themselves? What kind of person would that be?

Me: I'd do it.

*Silence*

Snoozing

Today is Monday. The internet at school was down. I wore a dress with poppers all the way up both sides. I was cold. I don't think there's a correlation. I've taken to sitting alone, although now it's more because it's occured to me how much more I get done when there's noone around me.

I napped in my free in someone's office, it was nice. I napped again when I got home from 4 to 6. I went downstairs and asked what was for dinner. I was told they'd eaten and not made me any because I was sleeping. My mother actually said, "you snooze, you lose."

I was not amused.

Early Departure

I was sent home from work 4 hours early. This was good due to my exhaustion, but bad due to the distinct lack of full pay.

Also I want popcorn. It's a major and frankly undeniable craving.

That is all.

Paid Distraction

Today was a good day. I kept myself busy. In the hour and a half where I wasn't working I did maths and English homework. I passed the time with banter and generally getting work done. It was nice. Good to be distracted. Good to get paid.

And Now an Apology...

For not even trying to control my massive mood swings. I just can't control my emotions for more than about 15 minutes at a time, which is why I'll often up and leave in the middle of a conversation. I don't know how long it'll take before I get a grip over myself, so get used to this.
That's all, really.

Anti-Social

I'm sick of people. I can't stand listening to them, I don't want to be near them, see the way they look at me. I hate walking to and from school and getting homophobic abuse hurled my way from the top of a slope. I hate that they don't have the guts to say it to my face where I could put them in their place.

I hate the worried looks people shoot each other when they see me, and their feeble cheer-up hugs. I hate how noone listens when I tell them I'm fine. I hate how I can't be left alone.

If I wanted company I would find it. I wouldnt deliberatly sit on a table on my own in the common room or do maths all through my lunch. I wouldn't sit on my own in lessons near windows or quietly work through my frees. I would ask for help if I wanted it.

But I don't.

Another Day

Talking to the same people, listening to the same teachers, going to the same places, getting the same verbal abuse as every other day.

Time marches on.

The Last Day of Us

I watched you running to your bus and I knew it was the end. The end of Us, but the start of something old. A friendship. Our friendship.

We had 6 months and you were perfect.

I'm sorry I hurt you.

It'll Pass

Today was a bad day. I was extremely antisocial, nothing could put me in a better mood. I sat alone and when people sat with me, we sat in silence. I curled up in corners of rooms. I was lost in my own thoughts. I ignored the idiots who thought calling me names would be amusing. I felt sick to the bone, nausea seeping in through my pores, curling with my blood and tearing my muscle.

Just one of those days. It'll pass.

Back to the Old Life

Work today was all a-ok, apart from the fact that we have a new chef who is training, and so fucks up on a fairly frequent basis.

It was good to be back and in an environment where health and safety really do mean fuck all. We had alot of fun, messed around (I got soaked by several co-workers, for various vengeful reasons... such as pay-back), generally had a laugh. Also told the gay supervisor about the other job and that I'll be leaving, so now that I've been clear with everyone I'm off any potential hooks that may have occurred in the future. I would like to stick with two jobs, but I fear it may just kill me. Once the doctors warn me to watch the ol' ticker, I'll quit.

First Day

This morning I was checkout trained (I liked that). Apparantly I did well, although I suspect it's routine to make people feel better by complimenting them. After I was shown around by one of the people in semi-charge; he was nice and we got on pretty well. I was instroduced to alot of other people, but until late afternoon I was working with this guy. Late afternoon I was switched to a guy who I've sort of known for years, but not known very well. He's nice, but he is a little bit..."pity-poor-little-me." He is also immensely useful on gossip: I found out who in my section has a bad reputation for sleeping with anything, who's annoying, who I should suck up to, who's a nice guy, who will judge, and so on. It was useful. Was told I did well, although again, I suspect it's a case of make the new girl feel better.

The most interesting thing I learnt today was the reason that everyone knew my name. It wasn't because it's company policy or anything like that, oh no...

There had been some sort of buzz because they'd heard that a new girl was coming and that she was blonde and a lesbian. Guess I don't need to worry about coming out then.

Other than being cheated of coming out (I actually like that part), I had a really good day, I enjoyed the work, got to know people and had a stupid amount of breaks. I had an hour and half worth of breaks. When I work at the cafe, I use about half of my 30 minute break. I was bored stiff, I must remember to bring work with me next week.

After work I had 20 minutes (I got out late) to get home, change, eat and get to my babysitting job. I made it with time to spare. Babysitting means that over this weekend I will earn £95. I will be keeping £10. Not a bad weekend.

Bad Night

I'm having one of those nights. The ones where noone can really make you feel better and you just want to curl up so small noone will ever notice you. The ones where crying will only make it worse.

Back To School

Here I am. Blogging from school.

I've got my timetable. It's not great. I'll make the most of it. Hmm

I'm not used to being at school. I'm really, really horny.

Brain Activity

Recently I have been thinking, about all kinds of things although some are more prominent than others. Things seem daunting, but I know once I do what I have to, they'll be better. Eventually.

That's all really.