A Domestic Issue

Yesterday I attempted to do the good thing and play the role of a 50's housewife. I made dinner and dessert. The menu was steak pie followed by smartie cupcakes. I made the pastry from scratch, I made the gravy from scratch and I seasoned the meat myself. No half measures, no cheating. I baked the bottom pastry blind and it was perfect. I'd timed everything perfectly, so the cupcakes went in to be done just as the pie needed to go in. The oven broke. I didn't realise until the cupcakes needed to come out when I realised that they were in fact not done, not was the oven on. The fuse had blown. My mother flipped the fuse back on and everything was only 15 minutes behind schedule. Unfortunately, the element in the oven had broken when the fuse went so it just blew out cold air. Not really renowned for cooking anything. Eventually the other oven heated up and it all got cooked and was lovely, but alongside the heating difficulties, the funny warmth meant my smarties sunk to the bottom of the cakes, the icing thereof  was still runny because the timing was off and my bank changed me £33 when I spent £11 on ingredients. Clearly, I'm not meant to do the domestic thing.

A Weekend from Hell

I was up late Friday night and Saturday at work was just plodding along quite nicely. Until the power went down. And the back up generators didn't kick in meaning the chillers and freezers (shop floor and warehouse) went down. Panic ensues. We pulled the blinds down on everything chilled and stuffed cardboard and toilet rolls in the open freezers. We emptied all the chilled counters, all the raw meat and all the hams and pates into boxes and took them downstairs and put them in the pitch black chillers hoping that the cold air would preserve them. We also cover an entire island in cardboard.

We are also dealing with customers swearing at us, shouting at us, and trying to cheat their way in to the chilled aisles. I manage to calm most of them and even get apologies from a couple of them. I enjoy practising my customer service skills and I love a good panic. The power comes back on after 2 hours.  I end up staying an hour late for the second time that week. I also agree to come in an hour early. As in 6am.

Sunday ran well considering that we had one temporarily crippled member of staff who couldn't work any stuff, we had someone pull a sickie ("I can't get my shoes on." Yes really. Turns out she had a sprained toe.) and quite a bit of overflow work from yesterday and a lot of wastage to deal with. M&B Guy was in charge and he was lovely to work with. Just a nice guy who's realistic about targets.

At this point, I'd had 14 hours sleep over the previous 4 nights, so when I got in I checked my email and I fell asleep. I slept for 15 hours straight. I did feel much better for it too. Turns out, sleep IS good for you. Who knew.

A Night to Remember

After another night of very little sleep I went to work for an 8 hour shift before heading home, changing and catching the bus to our nearest big town. A group of 8 of us met up with another 4 in a club and had an incredible night. I was wearing a skin tight black dress with gashes in where I'd attacked it with scissors.

The club was heaving. A friend of a friend had brought a girl with dyed red hair. Slightly curvy, pretty, fun. I was more than a little interested. I got an open minded vibe from her. She'd been making out with another guy in our group all evening and I was just deciding the best plan of action, when he came up to me, made out with the red head and slung his arm around me.

"Fancy a kiss?" I looked at him and inspiration struck.
"Sure thing sexy." I kissed him. He wasn't bad, tasted like alcohol. I pulled back and said "mmm, not bad, truth is though, I'd rather have the girl." I walked my fingers up her arm and caught her eye.

She was sweet and delicious. It started out as a standard kiss, but we liked and it got a little deeper. A little harder. Her tongue slipped into my mouth, my hands slipped down her body. Her hands slipped over my ass. I heard some distant cat calling. She pulled away but bit my lip so hard I got a little dizzy. Sexy girl. A couple of fake tan, fake eyelashes, fake hair and so on girls came over and told us we should stop because it was 'gross, innit.' We didn't. They left. The guy came back and slung an arm over each of us. He kissed the red head. He kissed me. I kissed the red head. Combine that on repeat along with my hands all over her, her hands on me, both of us grinding against him and his hands all over us.

There was a fairly large group of guys who'd taken a certain dislike to the greedy guy hogging the girls and every now and again they'd call him over to tell him so. Every so often I'd grab him by the collar, drag him back, kiss him and pass him to the red head. When both of us were grinding against him and kissing each other he'd shake his head and say "woah, this is too much..." and just away a touch and watch instead. Clearly he can't handle girls.

Eventually the bouncer came over and told us we were getting too much attention and that if we didn't cool our "orgy" he was gonna kick us out. We calmed it. I went and danced with the rest of the group and the other two coupled off until they both got distracted by other people. It didn't take long. I was dancing and some random came up and danced behind me. His hands were running up and down my body and I could feel his hot breath on my neck. I turned my head to see his face and ended up kissing him instead. He was a good kisser. Just a tease of tongue. We danced our separate ways. My friends tell me he looked like Napoleon Dynamite

I danced against a friend of mine. We had a fantastic time, his hands slipped into my dress and I ground against him. His girlfriend wasn't too happy. In fact she told me not to dance with any more. It was purely innocent and I'm not happy about being told what to do, but sometimes you have to. You know like when you prefer your eyeballs safely in their sockets and not rolling around on the dance floor.

All in all it was a fantastic night and I absolutely loved being out with friends. Got home for a couple hours sleep and went from there to work.

Deep Clean Round Two

After getting a grand total of very little sleep after my initial deep clean I do the next one. This one goes on until 1 in the morning because we're not done. As it's paid, I don't mind too much, but I'm not all that big on cleaning which there was more of this time round. I doubt it helped that prior to the cleaning I had to find and reduce 3 trolleys of meat. In fact I guarantee that didn't help. All in all it was all right though, had a laugh with the people there, got on with it, left with a slight feeling of satisfaction.

Deep Clean

As a favour to a friend, who I haven't actually mentioned on here which is a bit of an insult to him considering how big a part of my life he's been since I met him. I met him at Easter and initially wanted to fuck him, but he has a girlfriend who he loves very much and I decided fucking with genuine happiness was out of order. So we're friends. Just friends. We get on brilliantly and hang out at least once or twice a fortnight. We're gonna call him Gif. It's derived from a private joke which I will not be letting you in on.

Gif is off to university at the end of the week and I said I'd cover two of his shifts so he'd have more time to get himself together (although when I saw him the other day he seemed pretty set on making it a night before deal). About a week after agreeing to do his shift, I turn up at work and my boss says, "oh yeah, you agreed to do Gif's shifts, didn't you?..Well they're deep cleans, so you're staying till midnight, not ten."

Right. Now Gif didn't know about the deep cleans and is genuinely sorry, but cleaning is not really my thing. I can tidy something crazy, but actual cleaning... not so much. Once the store has shut and I've had a tea break (don't want to be over straining myself), I get told to take the cheese off the two bottom shelves and package them neatly. I then put yoghurt's out. While I'm doing the yoghurt, there is a MASSIVE jet spray firing through the entire inside of the chiller. Just shooting though it. And occasionally at my boss. That pretty much made the night worth it for me. You might note, I haven't actually done any cleaning yet. I finish what I'm doing and I'm given a spray and a cloth. I clean two cupboard doors and am told to stop. I get put back on cheese. At least they realised cleaning wasn't for me.

There is one thing about work that has slowly developed. I seem to have become the store agony aunt. I'm not really patient. I don't actually care that much about other people's problems unless they're good friends of mine. Advice isn't really what I do best and more to the point, these people all want relationship advice from someone with no interest in a monogamous relationship.

"I don't know if she likes me"
"I've upset my girlfriend"
"My boyfriend has upset me"
"Girls are too scary to talk to"
"I don't know how to ask anyone out"
"I think I might be bisexual"

The only one I can understand, is the last one. I will however say, I'm not entirely clear on why people seem intent on coming out to me. But they do. All the time. Which again, leads me to believe that I must radiate homosexual vibes and they're just drinking them up.

So on and So Forth

The plan was to post regularly. Clearly this has not yet been properly implemented. The very basic issue is that I just have very little time at home and when I am at home, I'm mostly sleeping.

I'm working full time again, trying to revise but mostly I'm just falling asleep. In fact I should be writing up two chapters of economics at the moment and translating my CV and references into German, writing my cover letter and contacting 30 odd hotels about jobs. Instead I'm thinking about my bed.

I have also been going out more with friends which is pretty nice. I'm desperately trying to meet up with as many people as I can before everyone buggers off to uni. Of course, they're only "buggering off" because I'm not going, otherwise they'd just be "leaving".

I've been hanging out with girls who were in the past straight, but seem to be showing some more sapphic tendencies. Like telling me they are "very curious about the female form" or running their hands up and down my leg, telling me I'm very sexy and just generally being inappropriate. A friend says it's because I ooze homosexuality and I'm infecting them. That's why I'm "only" bisexual. I don't have enough gay left in me.

At the end of the month I am going with Lucifer, James, and a couple of girls who either are or are close to going gay to a strip joint and then a gay club. Lucifer has blagged a free house so us girls are crashing there. Recently I was out with Sara and some other friends including one of the girls I'd like to turn. Sara and I suggested a threesome with her and she was albeit a little drunk, but there was interest from her. Unfortunately Sara seems to think she can't do group sex, so I went about thinking of other girls who would be interested. Didn't take me long seeing as I'm "turning" friends right, left and centre and I was talking to M&B Guy at work about it and suddenly the rest of the section were listening in. By the end of the shift I had every guy jealous and one of the girls asked me to join in. I put her on the waiting list and told her I'd take her a gay bar sometime next month. I would love this 3some to be pulled off but I'm not holding out much hope.

On the Monday after this potentially messy business, I'll be catching a train. Remember the girl I had a fling with a little while back? Well Alix had some accommodation issues round here and was rather brutally flung back to her parents place in the Midlands. I'm off to visit her for a few days. She may or may not have a girlfriend at that point, but she's fun to hang out with and that Monday marks the first full day where at least 3 of my closest friends are at uni. I wanted to get away and I wanted to see Alix: two birds with one stone.