Vomit

I recently went out with a group of friends, two of whom I adore, the rest stir something between indifference and loathing inside me. I don't really feel it when they stir indifference. We started out in a club which I like a lot, but it was decided that this location was shit and should be exchanged for somewhere where you can't do a whole lot but drink. Which isn't that fun for me. I do on occasion drink, but I was starting work at 8 the next morning and wasn't really feeling it.

After what seemed like an eternity, I ditched them. I went back to the club on my own and they carried on drinking. Later they went to one of those clubs that's more  about fake tan, fake hair and fake eyelashes than anything else and all the girls spent the night fighting off ethnic minorities. I'm not sure why these guys are so much worse than white guys, but Indian guys in particular (despite the fact that they are probably fluent in English and most of them have probably never been out of the UK), just don't seem to grasp the meaning of 'no'. Or 'fuck off'. Or even the international sign language of that beautiful middle finger.

I had a wicked time. I felt the bass run in my blood and it shook me to the core. I love to let the rhythm take me. I did. I met some guys from work, I lost them, found them again. I made a few friends of my own. I was chatting to this girl with a raw red mohawk, ivory skin and an arm full of tattoos. I got a hell of a lesbian vibe from her, but I know in these kinds of clubs people can get really funny about these things if they're not actually gay. I left her be and saw her chatting to a guy with a black plug and blonde hair for quite a while. I caught him on the dance floor and asked him if she liked girls. I was informed that he had no idea because he'd only met her that night. I spotted another guy who she'd been chatting to. This time I was informed that she did like girls, but her girlfriend wouldn't appreciate me taking that any further. I left her alone. Later on a caught up with the guy with the black plugs. He seemed cool, we had a laugh.

I was dancing with some work friends when one of the aforementioned Indian guys came up to one of the girls from work and she attempted to get rid of him with aforementioned sign language. He didn't take a hint. I asked her (by which I mean I screamed into her ear because that's really all you can do in a club) if she wanted me to get rid of him. She did. I butched up to look as intimidating as possible (not easily achieved in a short dress and 6 inch heels) and sneered in his face to leave my fucking girlfriend alone or I'd make sure he'd have to crawl out of here. He took a hint. Albeit a blunt one. We carried on dancing until 3. I went outside and met 3 of the friends I'd ditched earlier to get a cab home.

We got in the cab and the shortest of the girls said she didn't feel very well. The taxi driver started panicking about his car, We rolled down the window. Suddenly one of the guys put his head out the window and threw up all down the side of the car. He pulled his head in and almost got it out in time to throw up again. Almost. We stopped and he threw up at the roadside. Nice. I was not impressed. The driver was being nice enough about it, but there was something about him I didn't like. Just trying too hard to be nice and good and honest, made me feel like he was nasty on the inside. We just about made it into our town when the girl in the middle leant out the window and threw up. She kept it outside the car. Her and the guy were going to the same place (they're a couple) and it was about 15 minutes walk away tops so they said they'd walk it, to make sure there was no more throwing up as far as the taxi was concerned. He handed me an extra tenner to cover the extra cost of the sick inside the car. We dropped the short girl off home, the driver tried giving me a lecture in regards to safety but I shut him up. We got back and I actually had an extra fiver, but as the driver made me wipe up the sick on the side of the back seat, I think that was a minimal fee. In fact I don't think it was enough.

I was at work the next day and the girl half of the upchuck couple came in to see me. I informed her of the throwing up business, more exactly the cleaning thereof. I told her the fiver was just the first instalment of debt he now owed me. I then told her that the next instalment would be for me to sleep with his girlfriend. I.e. her. She was shocked, but didn't argue and you never know what a little alcohol can do.

Yeah, I'm that bad.